Rev. Ray Drennan

I want to begin my few reflections this morning with a short poem by a Secular Humanist Rabbi named Sherwin Wine. He writes:

Today has been a significant moment in the life of your fellowship as together we have participated in the celebration and the dedication of your lay-chaplains, Dave and Anne. You, the members of the congregations though are not off the hook simply because the dedication is over. In fact it is only now that the job begins. As a Fellowship you continue to have duties and responsibilities toward your lay chaplains and Dave and Anne you have duties and responsibilities toward this Fellowship. What we have participated in this morning is the beginning of a new phase in your relationship.

Anne and Dave, as you have already found out, the role of lay-chaplain is not all glitter and ceremonial spotlights. Only a small part of the job is standing in front of groups of people helping them through either the joyful or the gut-wrenching moments in their lives. Lay-chaplaincy is hard work. It takes lots of skill to negotiate the often wild and wonderful family dynamics that come into play during family rites of passage. Fulfilling the tasks involved in being lay-chaplains can consume lots of time and zap life’s vital energy. It’s easy to over do it. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why lay-chaplains are now limited to a maximum of 6 years. Maybe one of you will be standing here in the future taking on this important task when these two have finished their terms.

You as a congregation, and in particular your lay chaplaincy committee – I hope that you have developed a strong one-have as your first responsibility the task of making sure that your lay-chaplains take care of themselves, both in body and spirit. Don’t forget to check in with them from time to time and see how they are doing. Be observant for signs of over-extending and burn-out.

And to you Dave and Anne I charge you also to take care of yourselves. Know your limits. Follow your deeper body wisdom. Know when it is time to say no to a rite of passage. Find lots of time to nourish your own spirits and to drink deeply from the riches of the many sources that inform our Unitarian tradition. Don’t neglect your spiritual practice; those life rituals that refresh and inspire. One thing I have seen and I encourage you NOT to do is to arrange meetings with families or couples during the time when the fellowship meets. You need to be here participating in this nourishing religious community. Obviously, if you are not fed emotionally and spiritually then it will be very difficult for you to help others to make their lives and their life transitions wholesome and deeply spiritual events.

Now, don’t let the word "Spiritual," put you off. For me a spiritual event is one that is lived with intentionality and at depth, rather than simply going through the motions on the surface of things. One definition of spiritual that I like comes from the family therapy world - it is a hot topic in many therapy circles. From this perspective spiritual means "that which connects one to all that is." (Spiritual Resources in Family Therapy, M. Walsh, 1999) So Anne & Dave take the time to connect with the core of your being and with the ground of being. Take care of your spirits and you, the congregation, be there for them. That goes for us all, I guess.

Next, I would like to remind us all of the relationship that has just been formalized here. Dave and Anne are now YOUR lay-chaplains. They are the lay-chaplains of the Unitarian Fellowship of Fredericton. The pronoun "your" is important. When Dave and Anne preside over rites of passage they do not do so as independent agents, as freelance journalists or as private fee-for-service chaplains. Dave and Anne, remember as you preside over these ceremonies that you represent all of these people and also our larger Unitarian movement. You are not free to do whatever you feel like doing in whatever way you like. In this instance the customer (be it the family or the couple) is not the boss and is not always right. Every rite of passage is a negotiated, blended conversation, an intersection of what they want, what you are comfortable with and what our Unitarian movement stands for – its values and principles. In every rite of passage, Dave and Anne, remember that you represent our larger Unitarian and Universalist movement and this particular group of Unitarians.

I know all too well that it is not always easy deciding what rite of passage or what gesture is appropriate or when such requests move from celebration into the area of stunt or show business. This is why lots of consultation and conversation needs to happen between you, Dave and Anne, and your lay-chaplaincy committee, helping to sort out what you want and do not want these two people to do on your behalf. One of the best rules of thumb in this regard was developed by McGill University Chapel. They decided to permit any ceremony, any ritual within their chapel that your church, congregation or religious community would permit within on its own sacred space. Well said. You then as a rule of thumb might decide to allow your lay-chaplains to perform only those rites and gestures that would be acceptable right here in this place. Have some conversation about this.

Let me move these reflections onto another plane and ask a more fundamental question, namely, what is the purpose of our Unitarian congregations having lay-chaplains at all? What is the job that we are asking them to do? At first sight this may seem self evident. On one level we may say that lay-chaplains exist because ministers are not always available and that there are people who ask us to help them get married, have a child dedicated or bury a loved one. Since there are people who have no appropriate religious affiliation, no rabbi or priest or imam to do the job, then we step in. Yet, this answer is only partially true. It tends to make our lay-chaplaincy program into a private chaplaincy service. It is much more than that.

Of course, the role of lay-chaplain is to perform rites of passage for members of a Fellowship without a minister and for those outside our congregations who have no religious affiliation or have too many religious loyalties, in the case of interfaith couples. We bridge the gap and offer an open space of respectful engagement where various traditions can have a voice in a ceremony that is an authentic spiritual moment for all. This is good, but is it enough?

Personally, I do not believe that the main job of our 35-year-old lay-chaplaincy program is to create and to celebrate significant and authentic rites of passage. "What then is the primary task?" you ask. The CUC’s lay-chaplains program outlines three purposes of the program. The program "promotes and showcases Unitarian and Universalist values." That’s good. It also, "enhances spiritual growth and development of members who serve as chaplains." That’s great! For me though, the most important role of lay chaplains is the third one. It says the lay-chaplaincy program "assists non-Unitarians to connect with our Unitarian and Unitarian Universalist societies." I believe that the main job of a lay-chaplain is not to be a person or a family’s private chaplain. Through rites of passage the main job of a lay-chaplain is to make people aware that our communities exist and that their life would be deeper, fuller, more spiritual if they were a part of one of one of our congregations. The role is not recruitment of new members for OUR congregational needs but rather informing people about how to live their precious lives more fully as a member of an authentic religious community.

Canadian society has learned all too well from Unitarians and now everyone has difficulty saying "we." "We" or "us" are the most difficult words to pronounce for us and for the society at large with the result that so many people are isolated and so very lonely. Today people are not sure how to accommodate their individuality "je", in order to be welcomed and supported by a community and be able to say "we" or "nous". In authentic religious community we strive to allow each member to say both I and We or "j’nous".

Let me quote a rough translation of what one writer in L’Acadie Nouvelle said the other week reflecting on the French riots. "Perhaps humanity, drunk on scientific progress, praising Globalization, bedazzled by the spectacle of information technology and served up watered down, candy-coated religion, is abdicating its humanity without realizing it." (Rino Morin Rossignol, 9 nov, 2005 pg 13, Abdication)

One way not to abdicate our humanity but rather to embrace it fully is to belong to a healthy religious community. Meister Eckhart, a 13^th century mystic said it this way: "The essence of everything is relation." (Quoted in Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart and also in M. Fox, One River, Many wells) Modern science is learning this too. Brian Swimme, a modern day cosmologist, once said, "The universe is not a collection of dead objects but is rather a seamless whole community made up of cosmos-related subjects … We humans are embedded in a living, developing universe …" (The Hidden Heart of the Cosmos, p.103) Rabbi Wine whom I quoted at the beginning said it this way, "To cry alone, to laugh alone, to think without the challenge of other minds and other voices is to cease to be human. In a world without familiar people no man or woman can become a complete person."

Even we Unitarians are moving into a more balanced perspective. When our Canadian congregations reflected on why people joined with us, intellectual stimulation, kids’ religious education or social justice were not at the top of the list. Important as they might be they were not at the top. At the top of the list of why people join us was because they were lonely and needed authentic community. Does that resonate with you?

Where else do we go but to authentic community, whether large or small, when life has beaten us down and we have lost our way and our will to go on? Albert Schweitzer once said, "Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have re-kindled the flame within us." Authentic religious community rekindles our spark and reunites us with our fullest human potential.

Each one of us is charged with helping people realize this need of community. Each of us is charged to make others aware that this particular respectful, open and diverse religious community exists for them here in Fredericton. That, as I see it, is the most important task for your lay-chaplains and for all of us as well.

So, obviously, that being said, we have to deliver the goods. We cannot have lay-chaplains or you or me inviting people into our religious communities only to find that we do not practice what we preach. It seems to me that authentic religion is not about theology but about relationships. Authentic religious community, as the Buddhists well know, "Is not a matter of faith; it is a matter of practice." (One River, Many Wells, M. Fox, p. 151) Community is the place where we practice our values; practice being whole and holy human persons.

Notice I didn’t say that authentic religious community already perfectly lives its values. No, there is no perfect community, except if you want to say that a perfect community is one that imperfectly practices living its values. Let me repeat that. "There is no perfect community, except if you want to say that a perfect community is one that imperfectly practices living its values."

An authentic community imperfectly practicing living its values is a healthy community to which lay-chaplains, you and I would be proud to invite others to join. A healthy religious community imperfectly practicing its values would be a place where diversity is honoured, and people feel supported, challenged and are held accountable. Authentic communities must be self-critical communities. We cannot pretend to be welcoming with a sign out front and have "no vacancies" over our hearts. An authentic religious community holds members accountable for their actions in community. It does not let the loudest or the most needy rule the show?